So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
