I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
