y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
