My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
