Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
