Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
