you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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