Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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