dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
