I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
