it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
