In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
