battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
