Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
