I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
