think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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