Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Can I color on your dick again?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
