dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
