at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you made out with another girl for some wings
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
