Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
