A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
