i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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