what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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