it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
