fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
