You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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