Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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