wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
