yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
