Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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