Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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