You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
