my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
