Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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