My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
