are you still at the devil's house?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize