i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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