Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Did I show you my penis last night?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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