who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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