plz talk dirty to me
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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