chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
