The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
