I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
