It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
