what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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