Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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