Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
