i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
