I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
