That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
