i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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