I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
