I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it glows. i had to have it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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