I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
