I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
