You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
