you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize