The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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