Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
