Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize