Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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