Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
