Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
