Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
