Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
