Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize