You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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