i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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