This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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