This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
