I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
