Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
