there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
