Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
