you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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