So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize