i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
