census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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