Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize