Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
