the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
