our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
