mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
