those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
