Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
