Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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