I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize