Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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