I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am one with the molecules
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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