we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Text me some of your sweat
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize