Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
