:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
