I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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