She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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