He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
